By Dr. Gil Dekel.
pages 328-329 (in the printed book)
Relationships between people are not designed to help people find joy and happiness, but to create joy and happiness. To create completion, and fulfilment.
The sense of need is an illusion. Relationships are not a tool to fulfil needs. Trying to find joy means that we do not have it, and that we imaging we need it. We can only create something out of something that we already have.
If we try to find joy we will continue to be looking for it. We do not experience that it is already within us. We do not experience it inside us because we are not looking inside for it, rather we try to find it outside – in our relationships and in the person we call our beloved.
If we agree that the purpose of relationships is to create joy, not to find joy – then we will bring joy into the relationship. We will be the source of joy, bringing it in. Yet, most people do not look inside; rather they look for happiness on the outside.
Without any relationship one cannot experience themselves in a meaningful way. Thus, all relationships are holy. This is an inter-dependency, which means that no one exists alone, no person is an island. Still, we do not need a particular other. All relations are holy, yet the belief of a need of a particular other, creates dysfunctions in relationships. It creates the illusion that one needs particular person in order to be happy. Happiness is an inner state of every soul. Happiness is Who We really Are.
The only way to know Who I Am experientially – is by knowing what I ‘am not’. This is how the Universe works. The Universe itself is a tool to experience who I am not. Without that-which-I-am-not, that-which-I-am cannot be… Without something opposite of myself, I cannot be myself… That is the case in the relative world we live in.
This is not the case in the Absolute Realm, where All That Is, is All That Is… There are no relationships, since there isn’t anything else – rather, there is only One Thing.
In essence, also in our relative world there is only One Thing, yet it has manifested itself in many ways, such as: this – that, fast – slow, here – there.
God know itself conceptually, yet in order to experience God has to encounter something that God-is-not, so to speak.
Since everything is God, nothing cannot be not-God. Thus God created something that appeared to be other than God. God did this by diving God into infinite smaller parts. Each part is something that is other than the Totality of God.
To know what is ‘good’ we need to have the concept of ‘bad’. Yet, the bad does not have to exist in our immediate experience. It can exist in our past. It needs only to be something that we are aware of, a part of our consciousness.
The Universe is a contextual field, a holder, a container of every experience possible. The Totality of That Which Is.
We need to know the opposite of what we wish to experience, the opposite to us – yet we do not need to draw it to us, but rather only to know that it exists.
When something seems bad, it may be seen as good from another perspective. Life is a matter of perspective.
How we see things depends on how we choose to see them. We give meanings to experiences. Nothing has meanings, apart of the meanings we give it. The meanings we give things is the meanings that things/events have for us. Then we act on this, believing it to be real.
Remembering that we make it all up, we can then take things that happened in our life and laugh them off, knowing that it is all nothing; that it does not worth losing our peace for… It does not hurt me… Or we may say that it deeply hurts us – what we say will become true in our experience.
The feeling of being hurt is an act of forgetfulness, of forgetting Who We Are. Forgetting who the other is, forgetting what we all are here for. It is melting into the story-illusion that we created, living this illusion. Being the play-writers that dream that they are living their own script. We can play to the bitter end, yet the true ending is that we will all be awaken one day, and will know Who We Are. We will then forgive all, and will come to a place past-forgiving, where forgiveness is not necessary. We will see the perfection in the whole process, thanking all players that produced our own script of evolution.
The purpose of relationships and the process of Life is to have a holy adventure. A joyous adventure, ending as Nirvana, and then (if you choose) we can start all over again as a cycle of bliss creation. This is consciousness unfolding. Humanity evolving. This is Me, being.
People’s relationships are part of all this. We tend to hope to find joy and happiness through sharing our life with another.
Yet, we cannot find happiness in another, unless we first find happiness within ourselves. We cannot end loneliness by a relationship with another, until we end loneliness within our own life first. We cannot find completion outside us. Searching outside, we may search all our life, experiencing a series of relationships that will not last.
Relationships are not designed to find fulfilment, but to create fulfilment. Not to find joy, but to create joy. Not to find completion, but to create completion.
Relationships are not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. And Life is also so. Some people try to create happiness; still their partner leaves them, although they truly try to create happiness. And when the partner leaves them, they then take the happiness with them, which means that one did not have happiness within them to begin with. If one took your happiness, it means that you did not have it within you. Nobody can take with them what is within you.
We have all good within. We use relationships to experience it, to experience Who We Are within. It is enough to have relationship within, with God, within the human soul. Once we find joy within, we will find joy without, because we will put it there.
Your beloved partner in a relationship cannot provide for your inner joy. They cannot carry it for you. They will run away when they see a hole within you that they cannot fill even if they try to. Relationships are not made in order to find a completion, but to share your completion, your joy and happiness.
We only find what we put out there.
Like Life, relationships are a Contextual Field to pour into all that we are, and then to reach into that and pull out whatever aspect we choose to express and experience.
What we receive in relationships, we receive from ourselves. We think that we receive it from the partner, yet we receive it from ourselves. So, what we receive is what we give. What we put there, what we give out – this is what we receive in return. We cannot receive what we have not been willing to give…
23 Oct 2015. © Gil Dekel.
This is a summary of key points and concepts from ‘Tomorrow’s God’, a CwG book published by Hodder & Stoughton, London, UK, 2004, ISBN 0-340-830239. www.cwg.org