by Gil Dekel, PhD.

I have this long-held vision, and I am now ready to release it…

Myself and Natalie fought in the Battle of Hastings (October 1066, England). We both were highly-ranked officers, and I think we fought in the Norman-French army. We had many men under our command, and in those days, being a leading commander meant that you had responsibility for your men. I remember giving them my word-of-honour, promising that I will lead them to victory. My men respected me, trusted my word, and adored my leadership.

And guess what… we did ‘win’ that battle, yet not in a way I expected. The slaughter was horrific, and Natalie and myself were soon wounded and set to die. I remember sitting back-to-back, crippled on the soggy-bloody ground; we looked around us, Natalie and myself. And all our men were dead (those who escaped, we could not see).

Then the guilt came; the guilt that I led my people to die. ‘What would you expect,’ you probably asking now ‘we all know how wars end.’ Perhaps we do, today, in 2014; but in 1066 we believed in different things. We had no iPads to play with on weekends at home. We had no internet to connect with each other. What we did have is superior archery and cavalry; and we had this thing called ‘honour’.

Fire Tree (by Gil Dekel)

Fire Tree (by Gil Dekel)

There, bleeding on the ground, I felt such a shame, such a dishonoured failure, even though the battle was ‘won’. The guilt was so strong, even stronger than my own death… and that guilt got stuck with me for centuries long after.

Quit silly, don’t you think?

I am now ready to free myself, and forgive myself for all past experiences – be it true experiences, or just imagined. The only thing that matters now is to forgive ourselves for the ‘past’, and not delude ourselves that such thing as ‘future’ really exists.

I forgive myself…

Do you have any dream or vision of past experiences that you wish to release?… Now is the perfect time for releasing.

© Gil Dekel.
16 Feb 2014.

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